Tuesday's Best 7-13-2010

Good morning ladies and gents! Hope everyone is having a fabulous day! Aradi and I are back this week with a lighter offering than you might be used to (especially from me, since we all know I love - and dole out - angsty stories). With everything that's going on though, we thought it might be nice to bring out a smile or even a giggle today. Especially because today happens to be the birthday of one of our own lovely ladies - Captain Jezebel. More on that in the end note. For now, let's see what's in store for you today, shall we?

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I see a lot of Slash that I'd call fluffy, or light, or even humorous, but I don't see a lot of Slash that I'd label "comedy."  Luckily I saw some glowing references to Said and Done by ICMezzo, and I was on it faster than you can say "alt-tab."  One vampire, two boys falling in love, and a triple shot of comedy is a recipe for success.

Edward is the lonely, virginal vamp we've come to expect, only here he's in grad school with human classmate Jasper.  He's also delightfully inept at the most simple interactions with humans and, initially anyway, blissfully unaware of both his and Jasper's sexual orientations.

"So Edward, is it that you don't know that I'm gay, or you don't care that I'm gay?" he asked.

"You're gay?" I replied. I didn't care, but he'd never mentioned it.

"Well, I guess that answers that," he sighed. "Wait. Do you think a straight man would wear this shirt?"

"I suppose not. But whatever you are is fine with me. Really." Who was I to be judgmental? I wasn't even human.

The boys have made slow, steady progress over the course of the current 13 chapters.  Edward naturally has a million reasons why they shouldn't even be friends, nevermind anything more than that.  Fortunately, being anywhere near Jasper seems to make Edward forget all about why he shouldn't be with Jasper.  Jasper is persistent, and is as perceptive as Edward is clueless.  Jasper seems to know who he is and what he wants, and he's sweetly patient about waiting for Edward to wake up to the idea that they want the same things.

"The same things" make for great laughs.  Edward is learning from scratch, and luckily all of the Cullens are as eager as Jasper is for him to get with the program.  Esme and Alice are quick to offer help and encouragement.  Poor Carlisle muddles through conversations that no father should have to have with his century-old son.  Emmett rescues Carlisle, and generously schools Edward on the mechanics of boy/boy love (in what is probably the most hysterical exchange of the story so far... but I wont spoiler that part).

Luckily, he seemed as eager as I was glad to leave the subject behind after that. I just wasn't sure I was ready for any of this after all. I mean, everyone always seemed to indicate that sex was so great, but, I could barely think about it and I certainly couldn't imagine Jasper considering such a thing.

Emmett must have read the doubt written across my features. "Trust me, Eddie-boy, he's thought about it."

I looked up. How could he know that? Emmett swatted me on the ass and took off even faster toward the east. "You're the only male who doesn't think about sex constantly. And if you're the way he swings, he's envisioned it many a time, bro."

And thinking about that made me run directly into a large spruce, damaging my second tree in about four hours.

With the encouragement of the Cullens and Jasper, Edward quickly warms up to the idea of this potential relationship with Jasper.  Naturally, Edward's progression from asexual novice to one-half of a happy couple takes a scenic detour through perverted stalkerdom.

And later, when he was deep asleep, I may have sneaked in to watch him, but only for an hour, and always maintaining at least a few centimeters of distance between our bodies, except for that one point when my hair must have brushed his nose, because I barely had time to make it back to the couch before he started sneezing violently.

After that, I stayed glued to the couch like a good vampire, waiting for Jasper to wake. And I swear, I only touched myself once, but his sleepy moan was so perfect, I just couldn't help it.

Really, first love and first sex are both already ripe with potential laughs.  When it's slashy, and there's a vampire involved?  Comedy gold.  I want sooo badly to fast forward to the "significant firsts" since they should be a riot.  In the meantime, ICMezzo keeps us busy with one laughable scenario after another.  If you like your Slash to hurry up and earn its M-rating, this may not be the fic for you.  If you love the crazy, this fic delivers enough laughs to ease the discomfort of the slow build.

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SnowWhiteHeart had me hooked to her writing when I first read Falling For The First time (it’s AU of the geekiest variety). She has a great sense of humor, and she’s always letting her geek out. She manages to twist and turn things in a most wonderfully nerdy fashion, without ever missing a beat. So when she tweeted one day that she’d had a little plot bunny about a vampire Edward looking for a Domme, and a Domme Bella who never can seem to hold on to a sub...I just had to read it. 


She did not disappoint.


In Sub Plans, Edward is his usual virginal vampiric self - but with a twist. He longs to be dominated. He’s been trying to find someone to fit the bill for years, but everything seems stacked against him. He cannot bleed or be hurt in any way, due to his marble skin. Which also causes many an instrument to break. There’s also the fact that he’s ice cold. The few Dommes that have given him a chance, are too freaked out by him for various  reasons. And yet he keeps looking, hoping...yearning.


Bella is a notorious Domme. Why do I say notorious? Because she’s a Domme with a twist of her own. She wants her subs at her disposal Monday through Thursday only; she gets off not on bondaging or punishing per se, but on roleplay. She demands her subs to provide scenes that challenge her...and none have lived up to her high standards. Their imagination is simply not up to snuff. She’s at an event, interviewing potential subs - again - and is about to give up hope of ever finding the right sub.


Enter Edward. Of course. She puts him to the test by demanding he come up with their first scenario on the spot. She offers five minutes to do so, but Edward being Edward...well, you get the idea.

So, the men who usually make it to this round never make it out. Unoriginal pricks.

Why isn't this guy getting up? I wondered.

"I have one now, if I may," he said politely.

I must be dreaming. "Go on," I said, both anticipating and dreading what was going to come out of his lips next. Please don't be a student-scene…

"I'm a vampire who has endured decades of loneliness. All I want is a woman who I can worship—who will look past all my flaws. I need a fearless Dominatrix who will punish me

 for all my past misdeeds."

This guy was either insane, or a fucking genius. And to be perfectly honest, I don't care.

"Sold," I said. "I like that kind of originality, and seriously, you're going to need it with me." I stood up and offered him my card so we could make arrangements. He rose with me, took my card, and looked me in the eyes.

I almost fell over.

This story is BDSM-lite, so if that kind of story isn’t your usual thing, give this a try anyway. The humor and characterization of Edward and Bella are well worth it.

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We hope that you've enjoyed these stories, and that you've left the authors some lovin'. We'll be back with more goodies next week. In the meantime though, take a gander at the entries for the Slash/Backslash contest that's going on again. Or better yet, enter the contest yourself! We all could use some more boy-lovin', and I just know there's a good slash story hiding among you somewhere.

Okay. So as I mentioned in the note at the beginning, today is Captain Jezebel's birthday. SorceressCirce and I both wrote her a little somethin', somethin' for the occasion. Check out Parley, by SorceressCirce, and A Whole Latte Lovin' by naelany.

Happy birthday, Jezzie!!! *mwah!*