Friday, September 4, 2009

Twi Me Up Q&A - Sept. 4th

Q: Okay, I’m not going to repeat the question I got on this subject because it’s kind of gross. LOL

Anal Sex Primer
I know that this doesn’t necessarily fall under the purview of BDSM, but I want you guys to feel free to ask me anything. If I can answer, I will. This one, it just so happens, I can answer.

There are a few things that you should keep in mind about anal sex – either heterosexually or homosexually, and they all have to do with your safety and comfort.

1. Make sure that you use a condom.
The anus is one of the most sensitive parts of the body and is prone to infection. So, even if you are with a monogamous partner you’ll want to use a condom to keep things clean. This includes anal sex with sex toys. It will also minimize anal leakage (yeah, I know that’s gross, but you need to know) after the fact from ejaculation.

2. Make sure that there is proper lubrication.
Injury in the form of anal fissures (tears) can occur if anal sex is performed without proper lubrication. Generally, this occurs during rough or forced intercourse, but for your own safety, use a quality lubricant. If you are having anal sex in water, make sure it’s a silicone based lubricant so that it doesn’t wash away during the act.

3. Penetration is easier if you are aroused.
Penetration, either male or female, is easier and generally less painful if the person being penetrated is aroused. In other words, make sure you are worked up before you start, and continue stimulation during the act (either clitoral or penile). Now, that said – especially your first time – it’s going to hurt, so be prepared.

4. Work up to being penetrated by your partner or with a dildo by using smaller toys
To prepare yourself for the act, it may be easier to work up to larger toys or your partner’s penis. If you are going to use something for anal penetration, make sure it has a flared end, or a type of chord. Anal beads, anal dildos, and butt plugs are designed specifically for anal play. If you use something that wasn’t designed for anal play, you’re taking the chance that it could enter your body and not come out. This can be very dangerous, and may require surgery to extract the object. You do not want to have THAT conversation with the ER doc.

Above all, just use your common sense with anal sex. If it’s something you both want to try – start slow, be properly lubricated, be gentle, and make sure you’re aroused. Because of the relative proximity of the prostate, it is a very pleasurable experience for both parties – but if it’s overly painful, or you’re unsure – wait. You don’t want to cause yourself pain or injury.


Blaculicious said...

Highly informative column Mistress as usual. I do think it pertains to BDSM. I can't tell you how many submissives I've met that are undergoing anal training by their Doms. If I may be so bold as to add to your advice and no I'm not into anal kink but I do know a thing or two. :P Penetration is also easier when the mood is relaxed. Go all out: massage oils, candles, soothing music and/or a soak in the tub all work to facilitate relaxation. The key is to take your time! To use an enema or not???...this is VERY subjective! Some people complain that Enemas and anal douching produce an upset stomach like reaction....yeah not pretty. Obviously give it a few hours between your last BM and play time. Believe it or not fecal matter does not remain in your colon for long (in normal folks). There are bacteria that live in your anus that clean you up. Come on we're grown folks. If you're still scared in the shower or lying on your bed lubricate a gloved finger and gently test the area. Hemorrhoidal wipes (not pads) are WIN! Trust me. Be careful with the lubes like DS said. Read them! Some of them contain numbing agents like Benzocaine. You read that right! That's the same stuff in anbesol, the toothache relief gel *giggles* For some, numbing agents relax the colon too much and produce a laxative like effect. Lastly if you're going to prepare yourself with toys make fucking sure the toy has a wide enough base for you to easily pull it out. You don't wanna end up in the ER and have to explain how your dildo went all Houdini on you. I recommend the Ryder plug.
Ok I think I've spilled enough of my secrets. HAVE FUN =)

Dark Absynthe said...

lol, you rock bb!

DefinatelyStaying said...

Thanks B - I wasn't going to get into the enema thing and scare people. Most people equate an enema with a medical procedure. I thought we'd work up to that. ;)

Another thing about products like Analeze and other numbing agents - pain is there for a reason. It's a warning sign. If you numb the area first, you're not going to know if there is a problem until it's too late.