Thursday, June 18, 2009

Read, Rate & Review~Thursday, June 18th!

Welcome to TwiSlash Unveiled


Yet another Thursday is upon us and that means we are bringing to you a little known slash fic and giving you our opinions on it.

First, though, I must mention that we've flipped over the dining room table and are hiding behind it, waiting for the shots to ring out, cause we know we just might piss some people off.

Second, please remember that we are here to recommend stories that are worth the effort and time and to warn away from others, via a Rosalie smack to the back of Emmett's head, if need be.

Unfortunately, this week I think we've caused poor Emmett some serious brain damage with the story that was chosen.


by Kaiistar


AUTHOR'S SUMMARY
Jasper lost his parents, his grandmother. Edward has everything. Jasper has secrets, things that haunt him. Can Edward hold Jasper together when they come to surface, and can he hold himself together in the process? Edward/Jasper Slash AU - HUMAN


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First up is Rosella's POV...

My review is going to be short, simple and straight to the point. This story is horribly written and very hard to get into, making the characters feelings and the setting very unbelievable. I didn't even get past the first chapter, which says a lot because I always give a story at least two chapters worth of reading before giving up. As far as the sizzle scale is concerned, this story gets a rating of 1 from me, DON'T BOTHER UNBUTTONING. Sorry folks, this story wasn't for me.

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The Master's thoughts...

“The Awakening” by Kaiistar is a slash story about teenagers Jasper and Edward. Jasper has moved to Forks after his grandmother dies, and he is taken in by his aunt Renee and her daughter, Bella. Edward lives with his father, Carlisle, and sister, Alice. Jasper and Edward meet at school and there is an instant attraction; from here, they both admit to being gay and crushing on each other. While I originally found this story in someone else’s favorite, I now question their judgment in what they add to their favorites list.

This story could be worse. It could also be a LOT better. This author needs a beta, or if they have one, get another, because the grammar mistakes enough were to make you want to run. Along with plot lines that sounds vaguely familiar (PTSD anyone?). Also, the more I read, the more I realized that clumsy blushing, sleep taking Jasper was just Bella with a peen. Unrealistic and convenient are the first words I would use to describe this story. Unrealistic in the sense that these two TEENAGE boys are allowed to sleep together in Carlisle’s house, provided they be responsible and use protection that Carlisle provides..oh and put a sock on the door to warn everyone-which sounds a little college dorm roomish to me. Convenient because this is just one big piece of fluff and while Jasper does suffer a bit from PTSD, his recovery is quick and requires no long term medical attention. Carlisle and Renee are dating, therefore their children are constantly together. How convenient.

There some laugh out loud moments though. The first night after spending the night, Edward tells Jasper he spoke in his sleep.

“Kept hitting me telling me to round up the troops and setting out very elaborate battle plans”

Also, is EVERYONE in Forks gay? Seriously. Jasper? Gay. Edward? Gay. Bella? Gay. Alice? Gay? Mike? Bi. Lauren and Jessica remain straight. Lauren is determined to convince Edward to bat for her team again and goes about this by exposing Jasper’s fear of fire to the entire school, causing the boys to ‘come of the closet’ before they are ready. Sound familiar?

I really wanted to like this story. It’s Jasper and Edward slash! I was hopeful, but those hopes were dashed by the end of the second or third chapter (I did read the entire story). I think the author shows a bit of promise, but she needs a beta that will tell her honestly when she is heading in the wrong direction, what is working and not working…and hopefully catch a few of those unnecessary grammar mistakes and typos.

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Cella's POV

Some stories are so good that you recommend them to your friends and think about them for months or even years later, Awakening is not one of them. When I was first informed that we would be reviewing this story I ran to go read the story description, and then eagerly jumped at the opportunity to engross myself in another delicious Edward/Jasper slash. How sorely disappointed I was.

The best thing about The Awakening is that the story is already complete and only fifteen chapters long so it isn't taking up too much cyberspace, but even this one good quality is ruined once you check the writer's profile and discover that the sad excuse for a slash story actually has a sequel. I will admit that the story is quiet hilarious when you first start reading it, of course that's only because the writing is so preposterous that you can't believe that someone actually posted it.

The story from what I did read was about Jasper moving into his Aunt Renee's home, who lives in the lovely rainy city of Forks. Jasper's nana has recently passed away and he is devastated, but you won't get that impression while reading the story, since Jasper's pov is a bit hard to follow. So hard to follow in fact that I personally wanted to close the story after the first two paragraphs.

Selflessly, I forced myself to read the first whole chapter, and suffered a serious migraine. There's a story out there for everyone though, and this particular one of course has its own small following even if I'll never be a part of it.

With all that said, I am giving this story a one on the sizzle scale, because let's face it if you can't get past the first chapter how can you enjoy anything? So don't bother unbuttoning ladies, or better yet don't bother reading because I'm sure you have much more entertaining things to do, such as having a root canal done.

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Whitlock's Girl says...

Ok, so following Cella's review is going to be tough, I'll give it a go.

While "The Awakening" is a sweet story, albeit, a poorly written one, I can say I made it through. BARELY!

There's a lot going for this story. It has a decent plot line, serious humorous moments, but on the flip side, there are some critical flaws. It's mainly filled with poor grammar and spelling errors, but I have 3 betas for a reason people. So, I don't have much room to talk on that front, but I think, though, with an honest beta, that possesses serious grammar skills, this story could easily be turned into a readable and enjoyable piece of slash fic fluff.

So, with that said, I give this story a 1 on the sizzle scale, because of the flaws and not the story itself. If the author grabs a beta and puts in the work, I'd be happy to revisit my thoughts on the story because the potential is there.

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Hope your Thursday is kept wet with Tuesday's rec's, cause The Major's Belles and Lady didn't care much for this story, unfortunately.


Sizzle Scale topped a whopping 1!

No Need to Unbutton, sorry!

3 comments:

Dizzygrl28 said...

Girls, I will have to say I read through the rec and am in complete agreement with your reviews this week. I almost gave up after chapter 3 but made it through to the end.

Whitlock's Girl said...

Thanks, Dizzy! We really appreciate you helping us out and showing the love.

Jen said...

Ouch, harsh! But thank you for your complete honesty. I would hate for you guys to be all, "oh, its okay, just not for me" So I think I'll pass on even trying to read it since there is bad grammar mistakes.

Makes you appreciate your grammar whore of a beta, doesn't it Cella. Much love to you ladies!